Would you choose sex or sleep?

July 10, 2008 12:00:00 AM PDT
Sex or sleep? The challenges sleep deprived parents face and the myths about what's normal. Health nurse practitioner Barbara Dehn runs an online health blog called "Barb's Daily Dose" and shares some advice for parents.

Sex or sleep? By Barbara Dehn

How many new parents feel that they are not measuring up to the frequency of sex that everyone else is enjoying? The answer is almost all. It may come as a shock that parents, especially those who have little ones under 3 are just not up for having sex as often as they'd like. The culprit? Well, after years of taking care of women at Women Physicians in Mountain View, I've learned a few things.

The number one reason, is that people are just plain tired. If they can manage to keep their eyes open long enough to talk about whether they should have a quickie or get a few extra winks, more often than not, they'll choose sleep! That's right. We're just too tired to be enjoying intimate get togethers with our partners.

How to increase your intimacy

Many couples I speak with want to have sex more often and find that once they get started, they're more than ready, willing and able. So what can new parents do to increase the time they spending making love? Here are a few tips that have helped countless couples:

  1. Mark your calendar - When you know that you're going to be snuggling later in the day, you can anticipate and start thinking about conserving your energy or getting to bed a little earlier

  2. Date Nights - Having regular date nights with your partner will remind you why you decided to get together in the first place. Make a point of not using date night to bring up things that are bothering you. Date night should be a Fight Free Zone.

  3. Mix it up - The mornings might be better or on weekends, when the kids are napping. Try to steal time for quickies and some caresses throughout the day to stay connected.

  4. Talk, email, call or write notes - Communication is key and a fantastic way to feel connected.

  5. We need to be appreciated - Here's a script that might help: I know you're feeling very frustrated by our lack of sex, and I am too. I think I'd be a lot more "in the mood for love" if you'd take out the garbage and empty the dishwasher, so that I can have 15 minutes to myself."

For more on Increasing intimacy, visit www.nursebarb.com.


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