1. RESIGNATION -- You give up before you begin, often because of past experiences where you weren't successful in a certain area (weight loss, career or relationships.)
2. DENIAL -- You're unable to acknowledge reality and tend to deny personal responsibility for one or more areas of your life. What you don't see, you can't change.
3. THROWING IT AWAY --You get what you want, but since you don't believe you deserve it, you somehow feel compelled to get rid of it. (Example - you lose the weight, then put it all back on, or you get the guy and then decide he's not the one.)
4. SETTLING FOR LESS - You believe there's no point in trying very hard to get what you want, because you won't get it anyway. You take less than you deserve in a specific area of your life.
5. THE FATAL FLAW - You struggle with personality characteristics that undoes your best efforts -- traits such as perfectionism, procrastination, poor anger management, and narcissism.
Pearson provides the tools to give ourselves new permission to achieve what we want in life. With these tools we can take the necessary action to stop self-sabotage and raise our Deserve Level:
Here is what she says about fear during financial troubles.
Yes, fear influences finances. What happens when we are afraid is that we contract, we pull into ourselves. We worry and wonder what could I have done differently. How did I screw up?
All this focus on what's wrong and what we did wrong creates heightened anxiety that literally rewires the brain to go toward more and more negative thoughts. It becomes self-sabotage.
At this point, people can act out of fear and make even more negative choices. There's a phrase in Vegas I like, it says "scared money don't win." I believe that's very true.
The first step is to reduce your fear. Use the techniques in the self talk chapter to "pivot" away from the negative fear-inducing thoughts to better, more positive thoughts like "I choose to remind myself of all that I do have" or "I can handle these financial issues."
The next step is to ask for help before making any financial decision. Our fears can be reduced by getting expert advice and information, that's a way of reassuring ourselves and supporting our decisions.
The last tip is to remember that fear and excitement are experienced in our bodies in the same way. Our breath becomes more shallow and faster, we pull up our shoulders, we talk higher and faster. We look and feel the same heightened sensory experience whether afraid or thrilled. The only difference is in our prediction of the outcome. If we are predicting a negative outcome we will feel afraid (I'm going to lose all my money). If we predict a positive outcome we will feel excited (I'm going to look at all the possibilities and make a good decision for myself.)
Here's the secret to turning all the sabotage around:
SELF-TALK -- Changing the chat in our heads to focus on positive, life-affirming goals.
SELF-RELEASE -- Getting out the negative feelings that confine and depress us.
SELF-NURTURING -- Learning to be self-accepting even when things are going wrong and developing the ability to turn self-criticism to self-nurturing in stressful situations.
SELF-SUPPORT -- Creating an emotional safety net for ourselves with loyal friends, supportive work environments, and loving families.
About the book:
STOP SELF-SABOTAGE! Get Out of Your Own Way to Earn More Money Improve Your Relationships and Find the Success You Deserve
Pat Pearson, M.S.S.W.
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