Dating after breast cancer

July 16, 2009 12:00:00 AM PDT
Build confidence and feel secure in those intimate moments with your partner or spouse. Midlife dating coach specialist and dating expert for the San Francisco Examiner, Annie Gleason, has advice for how to feel comfortable after breast cancer. Gleason is also the founder of Getalovelife.net.

For those who worry that no man will want her because she has a life threatening disease:

1) She needs to remember that the prognosis for breast cancer is very good - most women survive for over 10 years according to the American Cancer Society. Each year, survival rates go up, due to new research. She still has a future to plan for.

2) She is still the person she was before she was diagnosed. She should list the things she had to offer a man before her diagnosis, and remember that those have not gone away.

3) Her love life doesn't need to go on hold. As she gets to know new men, she will get a feel for the ones who emotionally generous and empathetic--and not have time for those who aren't.

4) It helps if she waits until the beginning of a relationship is established before she reveals that she has breast cancer. The best time is after the third date, but before the sixth date. This way, they will have gotten to know each other, they like each other, but they're not in so deep that it's painful to get out if he is a jerk about it. How he responds is a test of his character.

5) Good guys (there are many out there) want to be supportive of the women they care for. They enjoy being needed.

If you are afraid to let your partner see or touch your scarred breast:

1) Treat yourself to a sexy camisole, or bra, and wear that for your partner at first.

2) Talk to your partner about how you feel about your scar. You might discover that he/she has been reluctant to bring up the subject with you. He/she might be concerned that touching your breast will be painful, and they don't want to hurt you. If you open the lines of communication, you will probably discover that you will become comfortable with your partner being as close as they were before your surgery.

3) Your scar will fade with time.

How to bring it up with a man you are dating:

1) Do not put it on your online profile, or bring it up in the first few dates.

2) The best time to bring it up is at a neutral location, when you have open-ended time to hang out--over a meal or a walk, for example.

3) Be ready with some literature and some statistics about the kind and stage of cancer that you have.

4) Tell him that now that you're getting to know him, that you have something important to tell him. Let him know that you don't just tell this to everyone--he will respect your boundaries. Let him know that you'll understand if he needs time to think about it.

5) Be prepared to be open about the type of treatment you're having, and how it's affecting your energy level.

About Annie Gleason, Dating Coaching for Midlife Singles:

Check out Annie's dating column at www.examiner.com

Annie Gleason is the West Coast's only mid-life dating coach specialist. After coaching part time for four years, she launched Get A Love Life and began coaching full-time in September 2007. She is the Dating Examiner for San Francisco Examiner.com, the midlife dating expert at Fifty+Fabulous.com, and the author of Annie's Blog at www.getalovelife.net. She holds webinars on Making the Most of Online Dating, seminars about Dating in the Twenty First Century, and heads up Flirting Field Trips. She also does private coaching and speaks about dating at various events.

Gleason studied dating coaching with Susan Bradley, RN, who is one of the founders of dating coaching, with over 25 years of experience.

Gleason has a background in business and solution-based sales. For over 20 years more than 98% of her clients were men. Many of them repeatedly sought her advice about dating. She realized that there was a huge disconnect between how men communicated their feelings and how women perceived them. She was inspired to help men and women understand each other better and entered the world of dating coaching.

Gleason learned from her own dating experiences that if people don't break out of certain patterns, they may not achieve their romantic goals. She helps her clients identify and conquer their limitations, understand their souls and pursue their personal goals. The vast majority of Gleason's long-term clients enter satisfying long-term relationships and many begin to see results after just a few weeks of working with her.

Gleason is currently engaged and living with her fiancé. They plan to wed late this fall.

UPCOMING EVENTS:

Getalovelife.net events calendar

Workshop: "Finding Love in the Twenty First Century"
San Francisco, Saturday, July 18 1:30 - 6pm

Are you ready for love? If you're tired of dating "The Wrong One," this workshop is for you! Discover the secrets of successfully attracting single, appealing, available members of the opposite sex into your life. Secrets to Dating Success: What you need to know to date with confidence Savvy Meeting Strategies: How to meet and attract single available people Master Courtship Body Language: Send and receive non-verbal signals with confidence. Where is everybody? Where to go to meet fabulous men and women. Dating Etiquette: What you need to know in order to have great dates leading to love. Translation: Understanding how the opposite sex thinks in order to move towards commitment. Class sizes are limited. Pre-registration required. Cost: $79 advance, $99 after July 13. Visa, Mastercard, check or cash Workshop led by Dating Coach Annie Gleason Location : Get A Love Life, 41A Sanchez St. San Francisco, CA 94114 Contact : annie@getalovelife.net 877-745-5678

Flirting Field Trip
San Francisco, Thursday, July 30 6:30 - 9pm

Have you ever seen someone enticing who was across a room, but by the time you got up your nerve to speak to them, they were gone? All you were left with was the thought "I wish I'd had the nerve to talk to that attractive stranger..." Don't let that happen again! After going on a Flirting Field Trip, you'll know just what to do the next time you see someone interesting. First, you will learn successful flirting techniques in the safety of the classroom. We'll reinforce your skills by role-playing before we go out into the real world. Then we will venture out to an undisclosed location where a variety of single men and women are enjoying the ambience. You'll practice flirting with live people while I give you invisible support in the background. I've made it a steal at $49 (in advance), and $59 after July 24th, and class sizes are limited, so please be sure to pre-register. We accept Visa, Mastercard, check or cash. We'll meet at the Get A Love Life Office for an hour, then be on our way to fling our flirting fabulousness upon the world. Can't wait to see you there! Location : Get A Love Life, 41A Sanchez St. San Francisco, CA 94114. Contact: annie@getalovelife.net; 877-745-5678.


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