TIPS FOR FOSTERING KIDS' SOCIAL CONNECTIONS:
- Build a Village. There is no stronger predictor of happiness than how robust and positive a child's "village" is, so do what you can to foster relationships with neighbors, teachers, and members of your community. Encourage friendships with kids of all ages, and foster multigenerational friendships between your kids and their older relatives, neighbors, or "elders" in your church.
- Raise their Emotional Intelligence Through Emotion Coaching. Parents who are effective emotion coaches see their children's emotional expressions-even anger and frustration-as opportunities to connect with and teach their children. This helps kids become more socially and emotionally intelligent, making it easier for kids to foster and maintain friendships.
Emotion coaching parents listen empathetically, helping children to explore and validate their feelings. And they don't stop there: they teach their children to verbally label their emotions, and then they set limits ("It is not okay to hit your sister"). For specific steps to becoming a great emotion coach, read this post at greatergood.berkeley.edu.
- Teach Constructive Conflict Resolution. Kids don't know how to settle disputes constructively until we teach them, and being able to resolve differences is an important skill to have for friendship. Positive conflict resolution is pretty simple, but it takes practice.
Find more information at greatergood.berkeley.edu about how to teach it to kids. Get a printable list of the steps to take when kids are fighting to post on your fridge. The first step?
BREATHE. We don't make effective mediators between fighting kids when we are angry or upset. So unless the action is becoming dangerous, take a second to catch your breath before addressing the situation.
- Foster Kindness. Your kids' village is built on kindness. Large and small, acts of generosity, compassion, and altruism all build social intelligence and strong bonds with others, and they can be forms of happiness in and of themselves. Show kids the many ways that they can give their time and energy to others.
How? Create giving traditions (helping others at the same time every year, for example); praise kids for showing empathy and emotional support to others; encourage small acts of kindness; give kids opportunities to teach or mentor others.
- Get "Other-Mothers" Involved. One need not be a biological parent to help raise happy kids. As Western households get smaller, parents need "other-mothers"--grandparents, stepparents, aunts, uncles, close friends-to step up and be a part of their children's village.
It doesn't take much: just taking the time to talk with kids is important (often what kids need most is a good listener). Other-parents can also be an important part of children's lives by teaching them how to do something the other-parent feels passionate about; by helping supervise kids when they are with their friends; by participating in feeding and bathing younger children-even just by running errands with them, as we never know when a quick conversation in the car or grocery store will have a huge impact.
Christine Carter, Ph.D., is a sociologist and happiness expert at UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, an interdisciplinary research unit that studies the psychology, sociology and neuroscience of well-being, and teaches skills for a thriving, resilient and compassionate society.
Best known for her science-based parenting advice, Dr. Carter follows the scientific literature to understand ways that we can teach children skills for happiness, emotional intelligence, and resilience.
She is the author of Raising Happiness: 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents and she has a private consulting practice helping families and schools structure children's lives for happiness, meaning, and ultimately, success.
Dr. Carter writes a blog for the Greater Good Science Center, also called Raising Happiness, which offers parents science-based tips for fostering well-being in children. Her parent-to-parent tone and humorous, tell-all approach make scientific research accessible and fun for parents and teachers.
After receiving her B.A. from Dartmouth College, where she was a Senior Fellow, Dr. Carter worked in marketing management and school administration, going on to receive her Ph.D. in sociology from UC Berkeley. Her first book, The Other Side of Silence, is one of the most frequently stolen books out of university libraries.
Dr. Carter has been quoted in Working Mother, American Baby and Parenting magazines, the Boston Globe, the New York Times and dozens of other publications. Her blog is syndicated on Psychology Today, the Huffington Post and other websites. She has appeared on the Oprah Winfrey Show and NPR, and is a regular on ABC's View from the Bay.
Carter loves to speak to parents, grandparents, and teachers; she has been a key-note speaker at Harvard and numerous other schools and professional groups.
She has two children and lives with her family near San Francisco.
For more information, visit christinecarter/book.php
>> Buy this book on Amazon: Raising Happiness: 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents
BOOK SIGNINGS:
San Francisco: Wednesday, February 10, 2010
7:30 p.m
Q&A and Book Signing
Booksmith
1644 Haight St.
San Francisco, CA
East Bay: Thursday, February 11, 2010
4 p.m.
Talk and Book Signing
Orinda Books
276 Village Square
Orinda, CA
South Bay: Tuesday, March 2, 2010
7 p.m.
Talk and Book Signing
Glenmoor Elementary School
4620 Mattos Dr.
Fremont, CA