Become the queen of your own life


1. Claim your beauty and feel your power

Mirror, mirror on the wall -- If there's one thing we know from fairy tales, it's that the Queen always has to be the fairest one of all. Learn how to embrace your reflection with tips like:

  • Find an affirmation that speaks to you. Something like: "I am beautiful" or"I deserve to be happy." Look in the mirror and make eye contact with yourself. Repeat the affirmation out loud every single time you look in the mirror. Then act as if it's true, because it is.
2. Clean your mental closet and find your Queen voice

Finding your Queen voice doesn't come naturally to (all) women! The book helps readers channel their inner royalty with exercises like this one:
  • Allow yourself 10 full minutes of quiet contemplation. You'll be surprised by how powerful the act of simply declaring that you're worth the time and investment.

  • Let your mind go where it will. As your thoughts pop into your head, say them out loud. (Yes, you might feel silly at first.) Say all of your thoughts-the good, the bad, the ugly.

  • Giving voice to your negative thoughts will help you hear how truly foolish and untrue they are.
3. Admire yourself for who you've become

Real queens don't worry about having throngs of adoring subjects-their inner confidence demands it. Learn to admire yourself the same way with tips like:
  • Close your eyes and imagine that you're standing on top of a high mountain and the wind is blowing. (If you've got a fan, it helps; turn it on low.) Choose a moment from your past that was difficult or that has altered the course of your life. From this vantage point, allow yourself to see how this experience was just a large boulder that you needed to get around-and how far you've come since then.

  • Write down the ten women you admire most, and list their most valuable qualities. Put a check or star next to the four words that resonate the most strongly for you. Now list the qualities you admire most in yourself.

  • Are there any words on the lists that match, chances are these words are core values for you.
4. Build deep fulfilling friendships with other women

A Queen is nothing without her ladies in waiting (LIW). How do you build your entourage? With tips like these:
  • Take a look at the support system you have in place. List the names of your closest women friends in left hand side. At the top of the paper, write the following 4 virtues: generous, kind, loving, brave. Next to your friends' names put a check for each of the virtues you think they have. Any woman with three or four virtues is in your inner circle.

  • Need a stronger inner circle? Reach out! Is there a woman who crosses your path at work, the gym, church, yoga class or your favorite bistro who you admire? Find an interesting movie or event and ask her if she'd like to go with you. The point is to keep trying, because your courage may be rewarded with an addition to your inner circle.
5. Establish firm boundaries that will strengthen all of their relationships

Every castle needs a moat… and an army of hot guards doesn't hurt either. (Just kidding.) But how does a Queen protect herself in the real world? With these tips:
  • Be honest and set strong borders. If you are clear about your personal boundaries-what you will or will not do-your friends and family will learn to respect and honor you and your choices. "No" is not a bad word.

  • Still having trouble? Use one of your inner circles as a sounding board to practice your boundary-setting speech. You will find the words that work for you in a supportive environment.

  • Setting boundaries will boost your royal PR: it will strengthen your alliances and friendships and ultimately allow you to be happier in all your relationships.
6. Discover the simple trick to finally being happy

All the tiaras in the world won't do it. Here are real tips on how to be happy, from Queens who know, like:
  • Pick one thing every morning to be glad about and one more thing every night before you go to sleep. Do this to get in the practice of noticing the things that are already good in your life. In the beginning, keep it simple. You get extra points if you make yourself laugh. Jot down things as you think of them.

  • You will find that, much sooner than you think, doing this exercise every day will help you focus on what's good in your life right now and let go of the thought patterns that stand in the way of your happiness. Trust us, this really works!
7. And proclaim yourself: QUEEN OF YOUR OWN LIFE

Congratulations! You've mastered talking to the mirror, stood on the Windy Mountain and got your hair all messed up, battled the Mongol horde, gathered trusted LIW, repelled the Huns and made the decision to be happy.

It's time to put on the Crown and proclaim yourself Queen with a Coronation Ceremony.
  • Some women have gathered lots of friends, lit candles and burned their Banish list, while others simply met with one or two friends and held their ceremony over lunch. We encourage everyone to add their own flair and drama to make it as magical and powerful as they like and to repeat the ceremony as often as necessary.

  • It's important that you celebrate this moment so that you and everyone around you can formally honor your newfound royal status as Queen of Your Own Life. You can combine your crowning with any number of other kinds of gatherings or have it during a "girlfriend getaway." As always, you are limited only by your imagination.
About Queen of your own life:

"Queen of Your Own Life" is a philosophy, a decision and an invitation to happiness for women who have made the tough but rewarding journey to the midpoint in their lives.

In this entertaining and inspiring book, they share the tried-and-true techniques they call "the seven best gifts a woman can give herself," and reveal how they learned to value themselves just the way they are-women in full bloom, sensual, vibrant, wise and more beautiful than ever-and are available to share.

Readers will learn how to:
  • Claim their beauty and feel their power
  • Clean their mental closet and find their Queen voice
  • Admire themselves for who they've become
  • Build deep fulfilling friendships with other women
  • Establish firm boundaries that will strengthen all of their relationships
  • Discover the simple trick to finally being happy
  • And proclaim themselves: QUEEN OF THEIR OWN LIFE
Their goal is to provide an uplifting message for women everywhere who could use a friendly reminder that they are the star of the own life and not playing a supporting character. Kinney and Ratzlaff show women how to build community, create fulfilling friendships, and create the life that they've always wanted.

For more information please visit,

>> Buy this book on Amazon: Queen of Your Own Life: The Grown-Up Woman's Guide to Claiming Happiness and Getting the Life You Deserve

About the authors:

Kathy Kinney is best known for her iconic role as Mimi Bobeck in the long-running The Drew Carey Show, and is now appearing in a recurring role on The Secret Life of the American Teenager on ABC Family.

She has acted in over a dozen films and guest-starred on numerous television shows. Kathy, whose background is in improvisational comedy, toured with Drew Carey and the Improv All Stars for the USO in Iraq and Saudi Arabia and may still be seen performing with Drew and the All Stars in Las Vegas.

Currently co-producing a project for children on the Internet aimed at furthering literacy and keeping alive the joy of books and reading, Kathy may also be seen at in the title role of www.mrsp.comMrs. P.

Cindy Ratzlaff was named to the prestigious Advertising Age Marketing 50 list for the blockbuster launch of The South Beach Diet in the same year that Steve Jobs made the list for the launch of the iPod.

A veteran publishing executive, Cindy created marketing and publicity campaigns for more than 100 New York Times bestselling books including Dr. Perricone's The Wrinkle Cure, Jorge Cruise's 8 Minutes in the Morning and Dr. Shapiro's Picture Perfect Weight Loss.

As president of her own marketing and brand strategy firm, Brand New Brand You, she specializes in using new social media platforms to increase brand awareness.

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