In a raw, moving and now viral post on Instagram, James Van Der Beek says we need a new word for miscarriage.
The actor and his wife welcomed their fifth baby over the summer. But he says over the past three years they've also lost three babies.
He says the word "miscarriage" is an insidious way suggests fault for the mother, as if she dropped something or failed to "carry," and that we need to remove the idea of blame.
Many can relate as, he says, this is a pain - it will tear you open like nothing else on levels deeper than you may have ever experienced.
And he says when it comes to judging, parents often do this to themselves during this time of grief.
He says we need a new word, a new name for this life-altering experience that is more common than we often hear about.
In fact, one in four pregnancies ends in miscarriage.
The Instagram post reads: Wanted to say a thing or two about miscarriages... of which we've had three over the years (including right before this little beauty). First off - we need a new word for it. "Mis-carriage", in an insidious way, suggests fault for the mother - as if she dropped something, or failed to "carry." From what I've learned, in all but the most obvious, extreme cases, it has nothing to do with anything the mother did or didn't do. So let's wipe all blame off the table before we even start.Second... it will tear you open like nothing else. It's painful and it's heartbreaking on levels deeper than you may have ever experienced. So don't judge your grief, or try to rationalize your way around it. Let it flow in the waves in which it comes, and allow it it's rightful space. And then... once you're able... try to recognize the beauty in how you put yourself back together differently than you were before. Some changes we make proactively, some we make because the universe has smashed us, but either way, those changes can be gifts. Many couples become closer than ever before. Many parents realize a deeper desire for a child than ever before. And many, many, many couples go on to have happy, healthy, beautiful babies afterwards (and often very quickly afterwards - you've been warned ). I've heard some amazing metaphysical explanations for them, mostly centering around the idea that these little souls volunteer for this short journey for the benefit of the parents... but please share whatever may have given you peace or hope along the way... Along with a new word for this experience.