Vietnam veteran heals emotional wounds while honoring fallen soldiers: 'I just landed in hell'

SAN JOSE, Calif. (KGO) -- The Vietnam War may have ended 50 years ago with the fall of Saigon, but for veteran Dennis Fernandez the memories are still very vivid in his mind, especially his arrival at Bien Hoa Air Base.

"I saw action as soon as we landed in Vietnam. We got off the plane, and we're being rocketed, so I was scared to death. I thought I just landed in hell," said Fernandez, who began his tour of duty in 1968, at the height of U.S. military involvement in the conflict.

Over the next year and a half, Fernandez went on search and destroy missions, did ambushes and went into tunnels chasing North Vietnamese soldiers, for which he was awarded two bronze stars for valor.

"I was soaking wet with perspiration and scared to death. But it's a different mindset when you're down there because it's life or death," said Fernandez. "I always felt invincible, like a lot of us did at that age."

That invincibility gave way to skepticism about the war. When he returned home to San Jose, Fernandez did not want to talk about what he saw in combat.

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"The first thing I did when I came home was took off my uniform and threw in the closet. I didn't want to deal with it anymore. Just shut it out," Fernandez said.

But the horrors of war did not leave him. He suffered nightmares, flashbacks and paranoia.

"Early on, coming back from 'Nam, I had trouble sleeping, and I get sweats. I probably slept on the floor for probably four or five months. I didn't want to be around the windows where people could see me," he said.

He was able to push the bad memories to the back of his mind for the next 30 years. He became a high school teacher and coached the basketball team to a sectional championship.

But the PTSD came back once he retired.

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"It's makes you depressed. It makes you emotional. Sometimes it gets severe where you do some sweating late at night," Fernandez said.

Having PTSD pop up later in life is a common experience, according to Dr. Jeanne Stellman, Professor Emerita of Health Policy and Management at Columbia University Mailman School of Public Health.

"At extremely late periods of life, do people start talking and spewing out what they've kept suppressed over the years. Many times it's the first time their children hear about what they went through," said Stellman, who published a groundbreaking study this year on the health of Vietnam veterans she has been following since 1983.

It found that 50 years after their service, about 16% of veterans she studied who saw combat still face health serious problems connected to their tour of duty.

She estimates that number is actually higher for veterans without peer support like the ones she followed.

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"After studying these guys for 35 years, the needle hasn't moved. There are a core of people who were severely affected and stayed severely affected," Stellman said.

The study found combat exposure and PTSD are strongly linked to cardiovascular disease and chronic illnesses.

Interestingly, her research found that veterans who had support when they returned from the war have fewer PTSD symptoms while those who faced hostility from their participation in the war are more likely to suffer from PTSD.

Fernandez suffers from several ailments, including Grover's disease and Parkinsonism, which he also blames on Agent Orange exposure.

For him, writing "A Walk Through The Valley of Death," a book about his time in combat, was like therapy.

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"As a writer, you have to edit it, so every time you're repeating it. Then after a while, you get somewhat calloused about it and don't get upset. So that was good for me," Fernandez said.

He also led an effort to build a monument to remember the 142 San Jose servicemen killed in Vietnam, including several from his high school.

"So you could have that memorial, so friends and loved ones could go right there to the memorial instead of going to Washington, D.C. So, it was personal," Fernanez said.

The Sons of San José Memorial is located at the southern end of Guadalupe River Park on West Santa Clara Street and Delman Avenue.