Michele Borba, author of "The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries" has these tips:
- Make sure your kids are getting enough zzz's (It will help them master those ABC's!). "Setting and keeping to a nighttime routine is the key," explains Borba. "Set a bedtime and keep to it every single night. Flashing images affect REM, so be sure to turn off the computer and television at least 30 minutes prior to bedtime.
Take away the cell phones during nighttime hours-62 percent of kids admit that they use it after the lights go out and their parents are clueless. And most importantly, watch out for caffeinated sleep stealers like cold medications, chocolate, or energy drinks. Once you make the nighttime routine a habit, you can be confident that your kids are getting the rest they need to perform to their potential at school."
- Applaud their efforts the right way. Sure, you give your kids plenty of encouragement throughout the school year. But Borba says that it's the way you encourage them that impacts their success over the long term.
Columbia University researchers found that how we praise our kids' schoolwork can actually enhance or impede their achievement. For example, instead of encouraging your child to bring home straight A's, put the emphasis on how hard she is working.
- Respect their learning style. While you may prefer a quiet room with no distractions when it comes to getting work done, that doesn't mean it's the best way for your kids to concentrate and get down to business.
The trick, Borba says, is to pay attention to your kids so you can identify which type they are and tap into that learning style in order to help them be more successful. "Help your child identify how he learns best, then find ways to use those strengths to boost learning success," suggests Borba.
- Pay attention to their peers. Pals play an enormous part in shaping our kids' self-esteem, and research also reveals that whom our kids befriend can affect their study habits and their overall academic success.
"Make your home a kid-friendly hangout so that you can become familiar with your child's friends. Help your child find friends with similar interests by getting her involved in extracurricular activities and clubs that will introduce her to like-minded pals.
While younger kids choose their friends based on accessibility, older kids tend to choose friends based on similar values and interests. It's your job as a parent to set the standard for what those values and interests are, " Borba advises.
- Make family meals a must. A recent study by Columbia University showed that kids whose families eat regular, relaxed meals together are not only less likely to abuse drugs and alcohol and develop eating disorders, they are also more likely to achieve higher grades. "Family dinners do not have to consist of gourmet, five-course meals," asserts Borba.
"Serve simple, healthy meals, turn off the television and unplug the phone, and enjoy each other's company. It doesn't have to be complicated. And if everyone in your family is on a different schedule and can't make it to dinner-don't worry!
Consider instating an evening family snack time during which everyone can review their days with each other before bedtime. The trick is to find what works best for you family and turn it into a routine."
- Squelch the stress…at home. Research shows that the conflict kids face at home spills over into their school life and impedes their learning. In fact, family-induced stress can affect kids' learning and behavior for up to two days following an incident. "I like to tell families to take a vow of 'yellibacy'," says Borba.
"Make your home a stress-free zone. Rather than devoting your evenings at home to sibling squabbles and dinnertime debates, find ways to de-stress with your kids. Take longs walks, read together, do yoga, or have a family movie night. Be a model to them on how to disagree without the conversation ending in a screaming match-and never engage with a screamer.
Teach your kids that it's okay for them to walk away from an argument until they are calm enough to return. Once you learn how to tune into your child's stress signs, you'll be able to recognize when he's on overload so that you can intervene and help him to decompress before something comes to blows."
- Tailor expectations to your child's abilities. All parents want the very best for their kids. It's only natural! But if you think that your Ivy League aspirations are your child's only chance for success, Borba says it's time to think about lowering your expectations.
A survey by executive recruiter Spencer Stuart found that only 10 percent of CEOs steering Fortune 500 companies received an undergrad diploma from one of the pricey Ivey League schools. In fact, a Wall Street Journal review discovered that more than half of the CEOs of the 50 largest companies in the United States graduated from public colleges or universities. "There's an important lesson to be learned here," explains Borba.
"As a parent, you should consider your learning aspirations for your child to be a rubber band: gently stretch, but don't snap. Every child is different, and while it's okay to encourage them to try hard and achieve their best, it's also important to remember that 'the best' is different for every child.
Just because your kid isn't composing his own symphonies or writing his memoirs by age 10, it doesn't mean that he won't still do great things with his life. Always remember this one commandment: 'Tailor thy parenting only to thy child.' You and your children will be happier and healthier for it.
Michele Borba, Ed.D., is an educational psychologist, former teacher, and mom. She is recognized for offering research-driven advice culled from a career of working with over one million parents, educators, and children.
A frequent Today show contributor and recipient of the National Educator Award, Michele is the author of 22 books including Building Moral Intelligence, No More Misbehavin', and her latest release, The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries.
She also appears on Dr. Phil, The View, CNN American Morning, and The Early Show, and has been featured in numerous publications, including U.S. News & World Report, The Chicago Tribune, Redbook, Family Circle, Parenting, and Child. She is an advisory board member for Parents magazine and she writes the blog "Parenting Solutions" for NBC's iVillage.
For more information, visit www.micheleborba.com
About the book:
Nobody is busier than parents are. Between full-time jobs, busy school schedules, soccer practice, and dinner time, there just aren't enough hours in the day to get everything done. Needless to say, sitting down to read a parenting book cover to cover just isn't feasible. Who has the time or the energy at the end of a long, stressful day to pore over its pages?
Pick up Michele Borba's new book, The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries, and you can flip right to the chapter that focuses on the answers you need right now.
"If parents are faced with having to wade through pages of information or to make the commitment of reading a book cover to cover, they are most likely to give up on looking for answers, or they will turn to a less reliable source," notes Borba. "That's why I designed my book to work like a cookbook or a desk reference. Parents can look up the problem they want to address, flip right to the correct chapter, and find an easy-to-follow formula for getting the results they want."
Borba's book helps you get to the root of the problem so you can begin to truly fix it-and to ensure that the results are both effective and long-lasting. Whether your child is a whiner, a bully, or a consummate worrier, understanding why he is that way can give you valuable insight into what may work for him moving forward.
