- Attitude is the underlying principle for establishing a connection: It all starts with a smile. Treat the person as you would want to be treated: with kindness and respect. Your tone, facial expression, and genuine feelings can be read by those with Alzheimer's who have an uncanny sense of when someone is 'talking down' to them.
- Have empathy: Put yourself in his position and figure out what he is experiencing. Imagine what is going on inside. Piece together the phrases you hear - connect the dots of information - and repeat them back as a complete thought.
- Physical changes associated with getting older as affects people with Alzheimer's differently: Aging is a challenge for everyone. It is even harder to fathom when Alzheimer's has deprived someone of the ability to rationally think it through and deal with it.
- Hearing and visual senses become an issue as anyone ages: People with Alzheimer's begin to forget why glasses and hearing aids may assist them. For example, often, they believe that there is nothing wrong with their hearing; it's just that people around them are speaking too softly.
Ways to connect with a loved one who keeps repeating themselves:
Alzheimer's attacks various areas of the brain to interfere with the verbal expression of logical thoughts. Ideas become fragmented. When people with Alzheimer's repeat what they say over and over, they actually are communicating what is on their minds. And, because someone forgets, she may not recall that a moment before she said the same thing because it still is on her mind.
First, take a deep breath to reduce your frustration when you keep hearing the same thing over and over again. Then, instead of distracting her or changing the subject, stick with it. Listen to what your loved one is saying. Once again, try to understand her comments and help her verbalize: re-state what she says by connecting the dots of information that she has told you. Pursue the fragments of her ideas and ask appropriate questions to start a conversation flowing about the topic she has introduced.
For example, if she keeps on saying, "Where is my mother?" respond with comments such as, "You are thinking about your mother today. Was she nice to you?" Or "Do you miss your mother? What would you like her to say to you?" Do not say, "Your mother is dead," since in her mind, she just saw her mother and might have been 'talking' to her. Explore her feelings and express understanding. She will feel that you understand her, and that is the connection.
The role that gender plays in communicating with those who have Alzheimer's is key. Communication styles differ among men and women. Men tend to report facts and data in order to relate whereas women tend to share experiences and feelings. Both men and women with Alzheimer's will have challenges expressing themselves.
Encouraging them by using empathy to imagine how they must feel, and then verbalizing it with them to see if you are correct serves to involve them in the process. They recognize that you are sincere and are helping them express themselves.
Tips for those who are having trouble connecting with their loved one with Alzheimer's on account of their own emotional reactions:
You cannot help having strong emotions about seeing your loved one change. Sadness, frustration, anger and sorrow can interfere with reaching out to connect. Find someone to talk with, like a friend or clergyman.
Join a support group that consists of other relatives or friends of people with Alzheimer's. Look into chat rooms. Check with the Alzheimer's Association to find waits that best suit your needs. You share a common bond with the millions of people dealing with their loved ones with Alzheimer's, and you can learn from each other. Comfort each other.
Taking care of yourself will reduce stress. Believe that your efforts to communicate in a meaningful way will bring you unexpected rewards. There is hope.
About Judith London:
Judith L. London, Ph.D., is a psychologist licensed in New York and California who has treated people with Alzheimer's and other dementias in public long-term care facilities for more than sixteen years.
She has been an adjunct professor at New York University, a stress management trainer and workshop leader, and a featured columnist on addictions. London conducts seminars on Alzheimer's disease, dementia, and maintaining brain health.
About half of the five million people in America with Alzheimer's disease are in the middle to late stages. The widespread notion of the medical establishment is that it is impossible to communicate with these individuals, and family members and friends should give up hope of being able to salvage a real relationship with their loved ones with Alzheimer's.
By working with Alzheimer's patients and their families for more than 16 years, author Judith London has learned that in fact, people can learn how to "connect the dots" of scattered information offered by people with Alzheimer's and maintain a sense of connection with their loved ones.
Connecting the Dots shows readers how to reach the minds and hearts of people with middle to late stage Alzheimer's who may no longer initiate conversation.
Compelling and inspiring anecdotes from the author's work reveal the depth of feeling and insight still present in advanced Alzheimer's patients. After each anecdote, the author explains the technique she used to draw meaning from the Alzheimer's patient's communication, and then shows readers how to use it with their loved ones.
The book also includes chapters of pertinent, accessible information on Alzheimer's that will help readers understand how the brain is affected by the disease. Using Connecting the Dots as a guide, family can better navigate their relationships with their loved ones and keep a meaningful connection.
It is important to strive for connection with those who have Alzheimer's because as Alzheimer's progresses, people with the disease become more withdrawn, appearing to no longer have any interest in relating to others.
Those around them assume that once a loved one no longer initiates conversation, no longer remembers someone's name, that there is nothing left mentally or emotionally that is meaningful.
However, inside their minds and hearts, they are very much alive but unable to show it in a conventional way. That's when those around them need to reach out to their loved ones, help them express themselves, and grant them the dignity of personhood that they deserve. Certainly, if those afflicted were in the advancing stages of diabetes or cancer, their relatives and friends would not abandon them. Those with Alzheimer's must not be abandoned either.
>> Buy this book on Amazon: Connecting the Dots: Breakthroughs in Communication as Alzheimer's Advances
For more information, go to www.connectingthedots-books.com
Event information:
Alzheimer's and Communication: Connecting the Dots
Presented by Stanford Health Library
Thursday, February 25 at 7 p.m.
Stanford Health Library, South Palo Alto Branch
Oshman Family Jewish Community Center
3921 Fabian Way
Palo Alto, CA
