How to build a foundation of loving success

Becoming the Queen Begins By Teaching the King:

Use the power of anticipation
The French Restaurant Study: When people won a 5-course meal at an expensive French restaurant they were asked when they would like to redeem the meal-have it tonight, tomorrow or one week from today-over 85% said they would like to have it one week from today. Why? Because they get the good body chemistry of thinking about it for a week, their endorphins and dopamine levels rise, they get to think about what they are going to wear, what the food is going to taste like and how the evening will play out for an entire week.

Ask your date-someone you have just started seeing or your lover of many years-to clear his schedule Friday night through Saturday morning at least one week in advance. Then as the date approaches start getting him all revved up by texting, emailing, leaving subtle and not so subtle hints, and the morning of if you live together write a message on his bathroom mirror alluding to what he can expect that evening.

(Note: If you have kids, make arrangements for them to be away for the evening. If this is difficult you might ask a trusted family nearby to take care of your kids and then return the favor in the future.)

Make him King for the day first = Show. Don't Tell
The desired outcome is not making sure your plan comes off perfectly executed. So don't get your feathers ruffled if the details don't go as smoothly as planned. Remember that the goal of treating him like the king for the day is to rediscover one another, talk, laugh, spend quality time together, create a loving memory, possibly discover something new about one another and appreciate what you love in the other. GET CREATIVE: engage all 5 senses, anchor the good feelings in a scent that both of you associate with one another in a loving way (whether it is a scented candle, incenses, essential oils, a perfume, cologne, or something baking in the oven). Let this particular scent anchor you in this loving and sensual experience. The power of scent is that it is the sense that can most quickly bring back a memory in full detail-how you felt in the moment and images of where you were when you last inhaled that smell.

Structure Your Meal Around Aphrodisiacs: so you stay focused, alert, have energy and endurance. Limit your alcohol intake to one or two drinks.

Basic Rules: No cell phones (unless you have a babysitter and then have a special ring set for them). No talking about the daily routine stuff. Get creative in your questions. Be interesting and interested.

Have his outfit for the evening set out and ready for him to get into. OR if you trust his sense of style, just let him know the type of outfit he should wear for the evening.

Flirt Like Crazy: Left-eye gaze -make your love feel completely connected to you, see them with all your emotive side, and put him at ease. Smile sincerely. Eat seductively. Tell him sweet nothings. Be completely present in the moment. He is your king!

Know His Love Language: Engage the night's and morning's activities around what fills him up most. Think what he would appreciate. Pay attention to the details.

***At the end of this fabulous evening and morning of completely loving your king ask him if some day he will return the favor and make you his queen for the day.

Ask for what you want, don't make him guess

Create a place in your bedroom (if you live together) that honors your relationship, include in this area pictures, poems, memorabilia, fresh flowers and candles. Have 3x5 cards and a pen so you can write down notes for one another about what you love and appreciate about each other. Also, have a place where you can submit ideas that you would like him to do for you, with you or to you when you get to be queen for the day.

If you just started dating, write down ideas for when it's your turn to be queen for the day and give them to him as suggestions. In turn, ask him to give you ideas as he comes up with them.

Create memories to last a lifetime that build a foundation of loving success

It is the attention that you give your partner that shows you honor and love them. It is your desire to keep making your relationship fresh that is critical for its long-term success.

Some people believe that romance should just come naturally and that if it doesn't something is wrong. Nothing could be further from the truth. Time, coupled with familiarity, is the great destroyer of romance, which is why true romance, the kind that defines a thoughtful and lasting love, is in the actual stoking of the flames. You need to keep up your relationship maintenance by making it fun and sexy! If you aren't your partner's lover, who will be vying for that position? Make the time to honor your love and your relationship.

Filling Yourself Up

Do you know what fills up your own love reserves? Are you making the time to fill yourself up? You need to fill yourself up first, not our jobs, the men in our lives, our friends or families. Our society and beliefs often make us feel guilty when we choose to put ourselves first but I am here to remind you that if you don't put yourself first you won't have the inner joy, inner surplus and inner love to take care of others. Taking time to take care of ourselves first is the only way we can achieve overall happiness in our lives and in our relationships.

Place your personal joy above all other values. As you feel good, you are more self-confident. This is sexy. Commit to being an overachiever in the fun department. Guys want to be around women who know how to make themselves happy. When you are already happy it makes pleasing you so much easier for the men in your life. The men who love you really do want to increase the joy in your life, which is difficult if you are coming to a relationship completely depleted.

You need to know how to fill yourself up before you can be truly happy in a relationship and you need to be clear on the fact that it is no one else's job to make you happy but your own. Create your own love rituals and schedule time to fill yourself up.

Kicking Your Fears to the Curb

Criticism, blame, judgment of others and yourself is not sexy and only do damage to yourself and your relationship (or potential of getting a relationship). When you have these negative feelings and inner self-talk, these feelings are transmitted through your whole being.

When you engage with someone, you physically connect with them on a deeper level as your mirror neurons and spindle cells connect. You have the opportunity to make them feel uplifted through your connection with them; actually improving their internal chemistry by increasing your level of endorphins. In turn, you can also create a negative impact. The thoughts you have affect the way you look at someone and your body language toward that person. If you sincerely smile at someone, that smile is contagious and they can feel the warmth and sincerity of your smile. If you smile at someone, while thinking judgmental or critical thoughts, the smile is not sincere. You will not be engaging the same muscles in the corners of your eyes or the area around your mouth that you would if the smile was sincere. The person you are engaging with will feel the insincerity of your smile and they will feel a disconnect between your intentions and your facial expression.

Be willing to investigate how your mind and belief system are currently configured around men and relationships.

Are you subscribing to beliefs such as: