Tip #1: Be Open With Your Kids: You have to be honest. No matter how hard it is, do not sugar coat the truth. If you tell them they don't have to move from their house and then you move them, they will be resentful. Keep them updated on everything that is going on that relates to change in their life.
Tip #2: Talk To Them: My children knew they could come to me at anytime to ask questions about what was going on and to tell me their feelings. Kids going through divorce have a lot going on in their mind, while simultaneously having to worry about school, sports, themselves and their parents. Let them know they are not burdening you with their problems. If you don't talk to them they will start to internalize their thoughts, feelings and emotions. When that happens you have an anxiety ridden child. It can also lead to depression. My kids and I had couch time. We would meet on my couch at a set time and talk. Couch time was safe time. I answered all questions and validated their feelings.
Tip #3: Keep Their Routine As Normal As Possible: Bedtimes, story time, bath time, dinner, breakfast, etc. should all try and be kept as close to their routine as possible. Their little worlds were thrown into a hurricane. It is very important for them to not have to worry about new schedules. They have enough to worry about. Keep them in their own beds! It might be comforting for you to sleep with your child, but that shows your fear and worry and in turn your child will be fearful and worry about the future. Let them know you are upset, but you should not need to bring them in your bed.
Tip #4: Let Them Know They Are Loved By Both Parents: When children feel loved they feel safe, and safety leads to security. Safety and security are very important in a child's development. Especially a child going through a divorce. They will feel they can trust their parents and their life, which in turn gives them the self-confidence to fly.
Tip #5: Do Not Spoil Them Out of Guilt: This can be a huge mistake. Yes you are sorry they are going through this tough time, no, you did not want this to happen to them, but that does not mean they get a new bike, vacation, or any materialistic item they want. If you start showering them with gifts out of guilt you will turn your child into a master manipulator. Life is not easy, for anyone, just because your child is going through a rough patch does not mean gifts should be showered upon your son or daughter.
About the book:
How fast can a person's life change? Have you ever thought about how one event in a person's life can alter the path of not only that person, but the lives of those they encounter? Have you reached a point where it hurts to even hope anymore? Do you find yourself simply dissatisfied with life, wondering "Is this it?"
Heather Hogan's memoir "Can There Be More?" invites readers into one woman's journey through relationships, divorce, pregnancy, fears, triumphs, joys-the human condition, offering wisdom perfect for any woman who has experienced both the burn and beauty of love. Beset by the difficulties of losing her mother at a young age and her father's subsequent battles with alcoholism, this is a story of endurance and aspirations for a better life. Through an insightful and brutally honest exploration of her past, Hogan relates a legacy not of perfection but of enduring thankfulness, challenging her readers to forage through their trials and find life's many blessings.
About Heather Hogan (in her own words):
I was born in Chicago, Illinois in 1970. My life was mostly spent with my older sister going from one aunt's and grandmother's house to the next. My mother was killed in a car accident when I was three, my sister was seven, and my brother was eight months old. My parents were having a New Year's Eve party December 31, 1972. My mother needed to run to the store to get something for the party that evening. On the way to the store she was killed in a car accident. That evening all the guests showed up to mourn with my father. While they were all watching my father put my sister and I each on one of his knees and said, "Your mother is never coming home. You will never see her again." We were put to bed crying. That same evening he began numbing his pain with alcohol. My life and my siblings life were altered that day, essentially we lost two parents not just one.
I entered an adult world filled with anger, resentment, anxiety and demons on my back that had their claws dug so far deep into my skin I couldn't shake them. How was I going to be a responsible adult? I searched for the meaning of life the next thirteen years. In those thirteen years, I divorced twice, had three children, and made too many mistakes to count. Finally, when I found peace, which is what I was searching for my whole life, I wrote my memoir. I wanted to share all the that life threw at me (there were more tragedies to fill the lives of ten people, let alone one), all my faults, all my mistakes, and I wanted people to know, they too, can find happiness and peace even if they lost a parent, were abused, were raised by an alcoholic, were homeless, were depressed, anxiety ridden, angry, and resentful. I was all those things! I kept faithful to God, and He showed me hope. With faith and hope I turned my life around and gave the one's who need it my story: Can There Be More?
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