A woman's guide to life and love

March 10, 2009 12:00:00 AM PDT
True love. Why do we look so hard to find it and keep it? Christine Arylo, author of "Choosing Me Before We," says we don't have to look far because every woman, whether in a relationship or not, has to start with "me."

Tips on how to choose ME before WE:

The invitation of Choosing ME before WE is this: Know yourself. Be honest with yourself. Love yourself. Trust yourself. First. Then consider HE and WE, never settling for less than your heart desires. Choosing ME before WE is more of a vow than a how. If you make this set of ME promises and keep them, your life and relationships are guaranteed to reflect the fantastic partnership you've created with yourself. It's up to you to take the ME vows, but here are some ways that will help you keep the promises:

Know me:

Live from the Inside Out. Know what you want from life, regardless of what anyone else wants or says. Your life has to be about your dreams, passions and gifts, first. Only choose partners who help you achieve your goals and who inspire you be your best you. You've got to know who you are and live from that centered place all the time. Without self-awareness, you'll mold to fit your partner or your relationship, and no matter what you may tell yourself, you won't be happy. This is your life. Live it the way you want, and find a partner who's up for the ride.

Know What and Who You Want in A Partner and Why. Be able to answer these three questions with total clarity and surety. Use the answer to evaluate your current relationship or to get clear on who you want to attract.

  • "Why do I want a relationship, as in how does it make my life better?"
  • "What kind of relationship do I really want at this time?"
  • "Who is the person I want to be in relationship with, regardless of who my mate is today? Throw away the man list on this one, and instead claim your Core Four, the four essences of who this man is. Think painting a Picasso vs. creating a Power Point.

Be honest with me

Take A Fixing Fast.
Rule numero uno of relationships: it's not your job to fix anyone but yourself, so if you find yourself constantly trying to improve your partner or you're always harping on him about his flaws, get a mirror and start looking at yourself. Focus on who you want to be first. We attract the men we want based on who we choose to be. So if you want to improve your odds of a happy relationship, create a healthy ME that will attract a healthy HE.

Don't Fall in Love with His Potential, Fall in Love with Him.
Don't marry, date or stay with a guy because you can 'see his great potential,' even thought he isn't realizing that potential today. You'll spend your life waiting for this guy to become the person you can see, vs. the guy he really is. You've got to love the person he is today, and support the person he wants to become, not the guy you think he can be. If he wants to 'realize his fullest potential' it will be up to him. You can inspire him by being your best self, you cannot be the driving force of his life.

Get Over The Love Trap.
Contrary to popular believe, love isn't enough to create a great relationship, it's just the ante. Women who think, "But I love him, I should stay and make this relationship work," create unhappy, co-dependent, and unhealthy relationships for themselves. Get this straight: if you love him, you will always love him. We don't fall out of love, we fall out of respect, intimacy, and trust. So if you want a fantastic and fulfilling relationship, set the goal of creating an "authentic partnership": a dynamic, life-affirming connection based on intimacy, respect, trust, truth, unconditional love and friendship. Ask if your relationship has each of these six ingredients. If it doesn't, you've got to ask yourself why you're still around, and love isn't enough of the answer.

Love me

Be Your Own B.F.F. (best friend).
Many women hang out in relationships long past when they should because they are afraid of being alone. But, when you are your own best friend, you realize that it's a heck of lot lonelier in an unhappy relationship than it is being single. As your own B.F.F. you love hanging out with you. Going to dinner alone, taking a weekend trip solo, or staying in on Valentine's Day with yourself is no big deal, in fact it's a treat, because you are with you. Challenge yourself to build a relationship with yourself, to do things with you that you normally always do with others, and to realize that if you are truly with you, you'll never need a man to feel complete.

Trust me:

Build a Relationship with Your Intuition & Always Take "Her" Advice. Every woman has access to a hugely powerful ally, her intuition. "She" always knows the truth, will always tell it to you straight and will never lead you down a harmful or self-destructive path. The problem is, most women don't listen to their intuition's advice, and instead let their choices be driven by society, obligation, fear and logic. You've got to take your intuition out of the closet, start listening to what she has to say, and then trust what you're hearing enough to take action based on her advice. It won't always make sense, often times the action will feel scary, but it will always lead you to a better result than listening to your fear or the "shoulds" of society.

Buy the book on Amazon: Choose Me Before We

About Christine Arylo: A new kind of self-love expert, Christine Arylo, inspirational catalyst, takes a fresh approach to redefining self-love for today's woman as hip, hot and hers. Arylo traded in twelve years of creating powerful images for brands like Visa and Gap, to inspire women to bust through their limiting self-images and self-expectations. As an author, coach and speaker, Arylo is an expert at helping women to get the success and happiness they want by living and loving their most real and wise selves first. She is the author of Choosing ME Before WE (www.mebeforewe.com) the founder of the Madly in Love with ME? movement (www.madlyinlovewithme.com), and the publisher of the online no-taboo talk forum Girltalk... taking it deeper (www.letsgirltalk.com).

Book: "Choosing Me Before We"
New Book Dares Women to Put their Most Important Relationship First- the One with Themselves Far too many women spend countless hours complaining about, analyzing and crying over their unmet desires for the right man to love them, hold them, and marry them. Far too often, they go on to "settle" for a guy whomight seem like "Mr. Right" in some ways, but who never becomes a true partner or satisfies her deepest desires.

In her book Choosing Me Before We: Every Woman's Guide to Life and Love, author and life coach Christine Arylo turns the topic of love relationships on its head by asking women to stop trying to find, fix, or catch a mate, and to start getting real with themselves. She asks, "Who is the 'real ME?" What does she really want? How do her actions and beliefs create her reality, and therefore her relationships?"

Arylo, who almost married the wrong guy for all the wrong reasons, openly and honestly shares her real-life experiences and a-ha moments, and those of her friends and clients to help women uncover their own truths about life and love. Choosing Me Before We offers the wisdom and liberation that is possible when we discover, love, and live for "me" instead of starting with "he" or "we." Arylo's authenticity and sincerity make her book as inviting and entertaining as a conversation between girlfriends over a glass of wine.

In Choosing Me Before We, she teaches women to stop settling and/or desperately seeking fairy tales and to start exploring and understanding what they truly want in themselves and their mates by helping them:

  • Know the real woman living inside.
  • Find Truth and get honest about the lies and illusions influencing her life.
  • Love the woman she is today, was yesterday, and is becoming tomorrow.
  • Trust her best friend - hello intuition!
  • Honor her desires so completely that she never settles again.
  • Manifest the partner and relationship she really wants.

Choosing Me Before We opens the door to a whole new level of conversation about a topic women talk about more than any other subject - their relationships with men. This book is for all women whether they're looking for love, evaluating a less-than-fulfilling relationship, rebounding from a bad breakup, or working through interpersonal issues as a couple.


Book signings

Sunday March 15 - 4 pm
Book Passage
51 Tamal Vista Blvd.
Corte Madera, CA

Thursday March 26th - 7:30 pm
Books, Inc. Author Talk & Signing
2251 Chestnut Street
San Francisco, Ca 94123

Saturday April 18 - 3 pm
Barnes & Noble - Jack London Square
98 Broadway
Oakland, CA